Slice of Life Day 23: the return of anxiety

It wasn't so bad this time.

So far I've managed to keep it at bay. Much better than I was able to after my last positive HPV result. Thank you again to everyone who held my hand during that fiasco. You guys have the patience of saints.

This time has been mostly okay. I had a bit of an episode early Saturday (I woke up around 3:45am) to the chorus of  I bet you've caught one of the diseases that they study in the labs next to your office.  That's a pretty regular one. Instead of giving in to the pull I employed my tactics I learned from my friends during my last breakdown. This was the "make a list" tactic. Step 1: think of a category Step 2: name everything in that category you can think of. I went with "Disney Movies" this time. At some point I got in an argument with myself over if something was a Disney movie or a Warner Brothers movie and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep again. It was magical.

The next day I found myself enjoying an afternoon among friends in a low-stress environment and BOOM there it was again;  I bet you've caught the lab disease that kills you in 6 weeks. How many weeks do you think you have left? I bet it's only a couple. Ugh, fuck off! This time, I just casually mentioned to my friends that I was experiencing a little bit of anxiety and they turned off the t.v. to sit with me and chat about the things going on in our lives. Slowly, without the attention it craved, the anxiety scuttled back to the dark recesses from whence it came.

Sometimes people are really confused by the amount of time I spend in the presence of other humans or occupying myself with seemingly pointless stimuli (I'm really into mechanical restoration videos right now) but these things are kind of essential to my mental health. One day, I'll learn how to sit still and fight the demons off from a sedentary position but today is not that day. And sometimes all we can do is the best we can. So that's what I'm doing. And I'm okay with it. Thank you family and friends for allowing me to soothe myself with your presence. You are invaluable. Oh and I guess also the people who make mechanical restoration videos for youtube. Thank you as well.