things that scare me 2: backpacking

Backpacking isn't "fun." There are some laughs and soul-deep fulfillment but the majority of it is tedious and uncomfortable. While treating blisters or fighting off mosquitoes or eating a half cooked meal out of a bag it's easy to be haunted by the refrain; "Why am I doing this again?"

The lake was stunning; crystal blue with a blanket of dancing sparkles in the sunlight; a solid mirror of pinks and golds before sunrise; a biting plunge warming to a comforting embrace to soothe the dusty, sun-scorched aches of an afternoon hike.

I can't sleep at night. I'm up at every sound that even hints to a sign of danger. I'm shivering then sweating then worried about the long term effects of the massive quantities of DEET over my whole body. I'm driven to the basest part of my lizard brain and crawling back out as a secluded part of the trail has me certain that we aren't alone anymore.

The vistas are breathtaking. Colossal conifers towering over delicate mushrooms and lacy mosses blanketing the forest floor. Spiking canopies spearing the endless blue sky in layers of green fading to shadows of gray. White-capped behemoths diminishing the valley below to render any perceived human trials absolutely irrelevant in it's shadow. 

But then... a softer joy; whispers under the stars, outstretched hands over a fallen logs, a twinkled smile after a night of crying and soothing and shaking like a leaf, a life story for every creature encountered on the way, a glimpse what it's like to work and play and struggle together...

A fire would have been nice. A sudden extinction of every mosquito on the planet would have been nice. The ability to turn off all my fears and anxieties about everything that could kill me as a tiny human in a giant forest definitely would have been nice. Instead, it was incredible. It was an experience you can't find in a bottle or recreate in an IMAX movie theater. And after returning to a soft bed and fresh food and a hot shower, "real" life seems so dull in comparison. What a jarring transition. I highly recommend it.