Slice of Life Day 19: getting sober

My family is big on alcohol.

And not just in a "we like to drink it" kind of way. I was named after a bootlegger (she was my great aunt), I've got ancestors who drank away their spoils during the gold rush, I've got two grandfathers with proven histories of a real bad problem and countless other examples of weakness for the sauce smattered throughout my family tree.

So what does this mean for me? I am very, very wary of it. And I don't mean I don't drink it, cause I do. Probably more than I should. But there's always this voice in the back of my mind asking me what my tipping point is going to be. When am I finally going to lose control and this substance is going to take the reins instead? I don't think it's that dire. I feel like this is coming across more dire than I mean for it to be. Let me phrase it like this: I am going to embark on an experiment.

I have this idea that there are certain activities which simply aren't enjoyable without a drink or two. I'm seeking to challenge that assumption. If I really can't enjoy an activity without having a drink in my hand, do I really enjoy that activity at all? If not, maybe I don't need to engage in that activity anymore. Maybe it turns out I have way more fun without it! Who knows? I mean, I went 23 years of my life without assuming that a drink is the status quo for a good time. I'd like to see if it's possible to get back to that place again.

My original goal was to go for an entire month without an alcoholic beverage from the 1st to the 31st or however many days the month actually had, but I always came across reasons to exclude a month. My birthday is in February! March has St. Paddy's Day in it! etc! So instead of relegating myself to a certain month, I just woke up one day and decided to stop drinking. Not forever. Just for as long as it seems right to do so. I'd like to give myself time to hit each type of activity that triggers me to want to drink and see if I can enjoy it without giving in. And like I said this isn't forever. Or maybe it is, I don't know I'm just going to play it by ear.

The internet leads me to believe that I can expect clearer skin, improved energy levels, lower anxiety, better sleep, healthier organs, decreased food budget and an increase in productivity and exercise. That sounds nice. My only fear is that I will now lack a coping mechanism for when I remember things like climate change, genocide, child abuse, etc. Maybe I'll take up running again. Exhaust the impotent empathy right out of my mind. Run away from my problems instead of drink them away. I don't know, I'll let you know how it all works out. Wish me luck.