Slice of Life Day 22: the courage of honesty

This concept eluded me for a long time.

I always thought that a "tough guy" was the one who was tight-lipped and terse. That if I was ever in the midst of conflict or going through something difficult that the manly thing to do would be to shut up and keep everything to myself. And  for me, growing up with boys made being "manly" the ultimate goal towards superiority. Tack onto that the fact that most of my childhood heroes were tough women living in a man's world with quick tempers and a stubborn reticence... well let's just say it was a recipe for disaster. 

Suffering in silence is always an option. It is one that I have chosen many times and without fail led me to more suffering. Because there is no relief, there is no comfort in sitting in a mire of my own toxic stew brewed from the thoughts of "I can't share this with anyone", "I'm all alone", "I'm a piece of shit", etc. It's a really fucking awful way to live and I know because I've done it.

I decided that I didn't want to live that way anymore. And that decision got some mixed reviews. One of the most notable has been the reception of this blog. I post some really personal things on here, and some people are really creeped out by it. I had one person tell me that it felt like they were spying on me. You're not. I post this on Facebook- it is meant for public consumption. But the more common and far more rewarding responses have been from people reaching out to me to say, "hey, me too". And after a brief chat, we each find out that we are no longer alone.

Keeping your suffering to yourself doesn't work. I don't care who you are, there is someone out there dealing with the exact same struggles and obstacles that you are currently dealing with and they could get as much comfort out of you as you could get out of them. You've just got to talk about it. And that takes a whole lot of courage. I hope you find the courage to share that struggle because I guarantee a human connection feels a whole lot better than an inability to get to sleep at night. I want that for you. I hope you find it.