more fiction

This exercise is called "conversation dipping".

Basically, you record an interaction verbatim and then dramatize the conversation to make it more interesting. I did mine in script format as it was for a screenwriting class.

You will first be treated with a recorded conversation between Alex and myself during our lunch break at work. I knew about the recording device but Alex did not. One of the many perks of dating me is that sometimes you will be recorded and written about without your knowledge. As you will notice, Alex and I are both very articulate and coherent when we converse naturally (not) so if you get tangled up in the original recording, feel free to jump ahead to the fictionalized part.

The point of the exercise is to help you create conversations that feel natural instead of constructed and to practice raising the dramatic stakes in a normal situation. I had a great time with this exercise and found that script writing in general was a great way to improve my ability to "show" rather than "tell" when constructing scenes.

Okay here it is:

Verbatim:

Conversation overheard in a cafeteria at OHSU at lunchtime

Her:     So apparently Oregon Towncar is no longer going to take our, um orders to have people picked up because some person at OHSU hasn’t been paying their, um, like their bill or whatever.

Him:    What is it a car rental company?

Her:     Yeah. It’s, like, a little bit fancier than a cab but not quite as fancy as a limo.

Him:    Oh, they actually drive?

Her:     Yeah, it’s like a chauffeur kind of service thing.

Him:    Oh, ok.

Her:      So everybody was having fun with that in the office.

Him:     What that, fig?

Her:      I don’t know but it’s really good. Oh you know what? It probably is fig because it kind of   looks like a fig newton doesn’t it?

Him:       Yeah it does.

Her:       Good call. Mmm this is good.

Him:       It’s pretty stinky cheese

Her:       Its been sitting out so it’s like the perfect room temperature

Him:       Mmmm

Her:       Pretty good, huh? There’s also this dip over there that I can’t get enough of, it has like dill in it.

Him:       Thank you.

Her:       You’re welcome.

(Short silence)

Her:       How’s your foot?

Him:       Hopefully it’s better.

Her:       I mean it doesn’t hurt when you walk on it or anything?

Him:       No. The x rays looked good.

Her:       (Takes a baby carrot that was offered to her) Oooh thank you. What time was your appointment?

Him:       It was at 8:40.

Her:       Hm

Him:       I texted you didn’t I?

Her:       I don’t think you texted me the time.

Him:       Cause you asked me if I was done and I was like yeah. Or you asked me what time it was and I said it was 8:40

Her:       Oh, I thought you just didn’t respond.

Him:       Yeah, it’s just like the guy well like the resident was the one that got me all set up with everything. Then at the and then at the end, she’s like alright I’m gonna go get his opinion. And then he just comes back with her and they like, they decide to like start shaving it off. Like shaving off layers of stuff.

Her:       Off your foot?

Him:       Like kind of what we were doing. Cause they were trying to get up in there to see if it was a wart or whatever.

Her:       Were they using fingernail clippers and tweezers with a lighter?

Him:       No but I told them about it.

Her:       Haha that’s insane.

Him:       And the residents like “oh I probably would have done the same thing. Minus the toe, the toenail clippers cause I could just take tools from here.

(both laugh)

---------

Conversation put through dramatic filter:

Lunchroom of a big, corporate office. Conversation is at a dull, but constant level. Many other tables of people are eating. A young man and woman are eating together. They are on opposite sides of the table. The young woman has upright posture and perfect hair in business attire. The man is slightly relaxed with his tie disheveled.

Her:       So it looks like we lost RGL. Someone in sales screwed up big time. I heard that they’re calling Diane into a big conference this afternoon. I’d hate to be her right now.

Him:       Isn’t that her last big account?

Her:       Yeah. I don’t really know if she’s even going to hit minimum this quarter. They might get rid of her if she keeps screwing up.

Him:       You think they would?

Her:       Yeah. I wouldn’t put it past management.

Him:       Yikes.

Her:       So of course Randy won’t shut up about it because he hates her so damn much.

Him:       What are those, figs?

Her:       I don’t know, the lady at the health food store said they are good for losing weight. Oh you know what? It probably is fig because it kind of looks like a fig newton doesn’t it?

Him:       Yeah it does.

Her:       Good call. Tastes like shit.

Him:       Smells like shit, too.

Her:       As long as it makes my butt smaller, I don’t even care.

Him:       Hm.

Her:       Hm, what? If you’ve got something to say, you can say it.

Him:       (quietly) I think you have a nice butt.

Her:       (she blushes and looks around. Also quietly) Thank you.

Him:       You’re welcome.

(Short silence)

Her:       How’s your foot?

Him:       Hopefully it’s better.

Her:       I mean it doesn’t hurt when you walk on it or anything?

Him:       No. The x rays looked good.

Her:       (She brushes off a shirt sleeve) What time was your appointment?

Him:       It was at 8:40.

Her:       Hm.

Him:       What? I texted you, didn’t I?

Her:       No, you didn’t. I was late because I waited around thinking you were going to give me a ride.

Him:       No, you asked me if I was done and I told you. Or wait, no. You asked me what time it was and I said it was 8:40. No I definitely told you.

(She gives him a look.)

Him:       Sorry. Well don’t you want to hear how it went?

(She shrugs)

Him:       Ok so it’s just like the girl, well like the resident, was the one that took all the notes and did the examination. Then at the end of all that, she goes to get the real doctor for his opinion. They look at my foot and then they just decide to start shaving it off. Like shaving off layers of stuff to try to get to whatever was bothering me.

Her:       Oh my god, I’m eating.

Him:       You know, kind of like what I was trying the other night? Cause they were trying to get up in there to see if it was a wart or whatever.

Her:       Ok, seriously? Eating here!

Him:       Except they didn’t use fingernail clippers and tweezers with a lighter. And when it started to bleed they used gauze instead of my gym sock. Actually, they weren’t using steak knife to get through the calluses either. (chuckles to himself)

Her:       Nope, that’s it. I’m out. Email me if you want to eat lunch sometime without talking about your foot skin. God, you’re gross.

Him:       Hey. (He slyly grabs the side of her skirt so she’s right next to him. Quietly mumbles) You can punish me later.

(She turns bright red and quickly scampers off. He chuckles to himself and goes back to eating his sandwich.)