DIVA!

Who, me?


Performing is not easy. Some days it can be the most rewarding experience of your life, but then there are others that just make you want to shit your pants. It's a real spectrum. When I'm onstage I can do things and say things and feel things that I would never allow myself to experience in real life. It's exhilarating and terrifying and ridiculous and it's one of the best things in the world. But when you let yourself get vulnerable like that, when you lay your heart out on the table, you have to be prepared to handle the criticism and rejection that might follow (internal as well as external). You need some sort of coping mechanism to keep your heart safe from the crippling fear of failure. That's where DIVA comes in.

DIVA is the coat of armor that you wear between sets to keep you from feeling naked in front of the audience. It's what you pull out of your ass when you're onstage and you accidentally drop your music all over the floor....twice. It keeps you from curling up in the corner and dying when someone points out to you that you had done the entire first act with your fly open. DIVA don't care! She's one bad mother- shut yo mouth! She flips her hair, brushes off her shoulder and orders another drink.

Now there are two ways to misuse the DIVA and I've done both. First, is to forget to bring it with you onstage. If you get up there without your suit of armor, you are just asking to be ripped to shreds at the first breeze that ruffles your hair. Yes, I have bawled my eyes out in the bathroom after a particularly mortifying experience. No, the audience did not drive all the way out there to watch some white girl battle her inner demons while her voice cracks through a song that she's not very good at. You see what I mean? You wear that shit like the sparkling cape that it is and let it lift you to be better and stronger than you are cause sometimes you have to fake it 'til you make it. (And honestly, that's the case more often than not).

That brings us to the other way to misuse the DIVA- forgetting to leave it at the venue. Here is a good working list of places where the DIVA does not belong:

• At a restaurant
• When you are a guest
• At work (especially if you are an assistant)
• In your relationships
• When talking to your friends and family
• At the doctor's office...etc. 

I've had the D-word thrown my way before. I'm sure it's all in good fun, but as we know, humor usually comes with a sliver of truth, so I made sure to take a good long look in the mirror. Was I letting my on-stage protection follow me into my daily life and turn people sour? Sure I may be a big-time blues singer now but I put on my bright red booty shorts the same as anyone else- one leg at a time. Of course once they're on I'm gonna be jamming at the taproom side of a home brew supply store in Gresham, OR but hey we can't all be famous, am I right?

So what I'm saying is; the DIVA is good, the DIVA is useful, but if you're going to use it- make sure you use it responsibly. DO NOT go to a gig without it, but once you get home- hang that sucker up in the closet where it belongs. Ain't nobody want to be friends with a DIVA.