my fake wedding

Because its Tuesday and why not?

So yes, I hate the idea of marriage as it applies to government contracts and religious agreements, however, I think weddings are fabulous and I have intermittently been planning what I would do for mine since I was about 20.

My biggest pet peeves when it comes to weddings are the following:

1. Spending exorbitant amounts of money
2. Disposable decorations/ flatware/ etc.
3. Victorian traditions
4. Long ceremonies

Barring eloping to a vacation destination, here's how I think I would plan my own wedding.

Wedding attire

PINK! Or a gold pantsuit! (Brocade, preferably). Just something awesome that I could continue to wear to special occasions until it was in tatters. I hate the idea of an over-priced one-day white dress. Best case scenario for one of those is that your kid wants to wear it. So then it's a two-day dress. Nope, not gonna happen. I mean even the robe I wore for high school graduation had at least four different trips up those bleachers. One day use, my butt.

Decorations

I am a Goodwill slut and my wedding would be no different. Mismatched plates, glasses, silverware, decorations, all of that junk- I love a patchwork look. Afterwards, you either have new dishes, give them to someone else or take them back to Goodwill. Boom done. 

Food

BBQ. Fuck it. Ask someone to man the grill and put out some veggie trays. As long as there is alcohol and chips and music, who really cares? Or maybe I can convince Dusty and Bree to help me out with their combined talents and skills. Keep your eyes open for when they open their new restaurant!

Fun

Um this is the MOST important part. There will be lawn games and board games and music (live if we can afford it). My dream setting would just be some nice, grassy area like a park or a big backyard or something. Somewhere where noise wouldn't be an issue. In fact, Independence Day might be a good time to do it since everyone is already loud on that day anyway. And there might be bonus fireworks if you have cool enough neighbors. Also- what a great day for an anniversary!

Cake

My dad would have to do it. There would have to be roses on it and my cake toppers would be Sherlock Holmes and John Watson because they have the best love story in the history of the world and I would be honored to have them on my cake.

Ceremony

Short and sweet. Custom vows- nothing flowery just honest. No wedding party because everyone I would want to invite would be in it anyway and that would be silly if we were all just standing around looking at each other. Also NOBODY will be giving me to ANYBODY. I don't care who thinks I belong to them because I don't and that shit will not go down at my wedding.

Alright I think I have this planned out. All I have to do is getting over my commitment issues, abandonment issues, and find someone who wants to stick around for a while even after getting to know me. Sounds doable!

As a bonus, here are some digital scrapbooks I've been playing around with when I'm bored at work. (On my breaks, of course!)

 

I LOVE talking about weddings so If you have plans of your own, I would love to hear about them. Or if you are already married and think you would have done something differently in retrospect, I would love to hear about that too.

P.S. If you are a really big wedding nerd like I am, I recommend you check out Off Beat Bride for their fun, non-traditional wedding photos and ideas.