no social media day 5: I'm not bad at everything

Just finished a Vagilantes show. I play drums in that band. And not like well, but I'm trying. My wrist kept giving out during the show which made our set sound like it was limping along rather than cruising or rocking or gliding. It was not good. They were great. I was not great. I'm trying to deal with that.

Normally I'd lose myself in social media right about now. Actually I would have been on it the entire night but instead I remained in the moment (except for texting people about earthquakes). And now I don't have it to distract myself. Full force dealing with this shit.

My anxiety likes to grab at opportunities like this. It says oh you did one little thing that makes you feel less than proud? Well guess what, here's everything else in your life that you're not doing super great at right now, too. I'm not buying into it. It's a choice to listen to it. I tried to "get curious" instead. Well look at these emotions, Fear? Shame? Guilt? Well I'm going to go get a burger and write about these interesting feelings popping into my head. 

This feels much better than going down that rabbit hole. I've been down there. It's not pleasant nor productive nor conducive to change. I heard a quote today that really stuck with me, "humans aren't wired to be happy, we're wired to reproduce". Well you know what? I'm okay with not being happy, but I'll be content with a nutritious meal and a whiskey soda and the freedom to do all of this while writing in my blog. Thank you universe, you have been very good to me.