I'm a fucking idiot

No, for real.

It actually took a college course for me to understand that I am allowed to read this book. Yes, I'm serious. I don't know where I got off for so long considering myself to be an ally because really I was just a giant idiot. I would be too embarrassed to be seen in the "Gay and Lesbian" section in the movie or book store. I spent as much time justifying reading a romance/ mystery series to my mom (with two male leads) as I did explaining what the book was actually about. And I am so sorry and I am such a fucking idiot. I'm not sure how long its going to take for me to get over that.

And now I feel like I'm playing catch up. I claim to be a romance aficionado and yet I have gaping holes in my knowledge about all of the kinds of romance there are. I'm going to have to work hard to bulk up the handful of LGBT romances I've read versus the hundreds of basic hetero ones under my belt. This collection of short stories is an attempt to bring my knowledge from abysmal to nearing adequate. I am up for the challenge.

And they are fucking tragic. Good God the variety of obstacles that the men in these stories have to deal with versus what would be true for a straight man is just staggering. The worst is that so much of it is caused by their immediate family members. It rips my guts open that normal people have to face so much hardship simply because of how they love. It just kills me.

I don't know what I mean to say here. Maybe just that I've been an idiot and I'm trying to repent. It's not enough to claim to be okay with something while still treating it as anything other than normal. And I can't blame my upbringing, regardless of the backwards-ass little town where I grew up, I am now an adult and responsible for my own thought processes. So this is me apologizing and promising that I will do better. Also, if you have any book recommendations, please send them my way. I feel like an idiot googling "good LGBT literature" when I'm sure I have enlightened friends who could just let me know what I need to read.

Thank you guys for sticking with this idiot as she tries to figure this life out and not be an asshole. Some days are easier than others. You guys make it infinitely better.