self-esteem

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!

(You can check out this link to clarify this slightly obscure reference.)

Okay today's post is brought to you by low self-esteem and daily affirmations. Up until very recently, the thought of a daily affirmation would supply me the image of this handsome fellow up top and inspire a scoff from somewhere around the region where my nasal cavity meets my throat. Like pretty instantaneously and probably followed by some scathing remark about it being "nonsense" and "hogwash" (and maybe something worse than that). But some recent events and ensuing research have changed my mind about this process. And with the help of a dear friend of mine, I am now a daily self-affirm-er.

I recently had to face the fact that I have low self-esteem. This is not a terminal condition and is something that I am absolutely committed to changing for myself but nonetheless it has had a big impact on my life- specifically as it relates to dating. This is not to say that I don't have confidence or that I'm insecure in who I am. It's just that I often put myself down for not being "good enough" or or "smart enough" or "shapely enough" or "whatever enough" to be loved by someone else. But that maybe if the right person came along, they would think that I'm pretty and smart and fun and sexy and awaken the dormant empress in me and together we would rule the land in love and support and feel super great about ourselves and live happily ever after; oh, if only I could find the right person!

Fuck me in the ass, that is the stupidest shit I have ever written in my life. And yet it has been lurking in my head for YEARS. Maybe my whole life. Spurred by fairy tales and women's magazines and the fucking Twilight Saga (oh Bella, you're so awkward and adorable, let me overwhelm you with addictive love and make your entire self-worth reliant on me so that you fall to pieces when I'm gone!).

That's not how it works. My self-esteem isn't someone else's (its in the name for Christ's sake!). And here I have been trying to find someone else to take care of it for me. Well, no more. I've got my note cards with my positive adjectives, I arrange my personal appearance for me and no one else, I strive to achieve goals because I want to and not because I think it will be impressive to someone else. I think I'm cool, I think I'm attractive, I think I'm fun, and doggone it, people like me! Say it with me now!