And what it means to ditch it.
I don't have any of the answers here. I ditched comfort to pursue truth but what I've mostly found so far are insecurity, uncertainty, loneliness, and self-doubt. It's fucking rough. But that's okay. They won't beat me. I knew this was going to be a bumpy road but that's the point; it's my own road. No one has paved it for me. The pitfalls and switchbacks and boggy mires are all perfectly designed to bring me down but as I overcome each one, it will only make me more ready to take on the next. And that's fine by me.
But this idea of comfort keeps following me around. I saw a post this morning from my amazing cousin who lives in a van with her husband and hikes the mountains of the world. When she talks about eschewing comfort, I can't help but listen. I can't fathom the lack of it she probably experiences while she lives mostly outdoors and in the middle of some huge trek or another. Soul-wrenchingly fulfilling? You bet your booty. Comfortable? Probably not very often.
It leads me to this idea that comfort is the enemy. Comfort is what lets us sit on the couch and watch Netflix reruns. It's what allows us to stay in relationships that pat us on the head but don't light the fire in our veins. It's the reason we can get up every day and return to a job we fucking hate but at least we know what to expect when we get there even if what we expect is misery. You ditch comfort and instead come face to face with your demons and insecurities to push yourself and find out if there is something greater than this. And its not for the faint of heart.
Maybe these are the ravings of a young person, or an unsatisfied person. Maybe most normal people don't feel this way; that while they are swathed in comfort they are plagued with dissatisfaction and the haunting melody of What else is out there? Is this really all I'm capable of? Why am I following these rules? Is this what happiness is supposed to feel like? And if that's the case, I'll be content to chase these answers on my own and face my battles as an army of one. But I have a suspicion that I'm not. And maybe this post is for you too.
This non comfort sounds like resistance to me! The thing that keeps us from our dreams and from trying new things. Okay part of it is... I realize your are talking about both physical and metaphorical comfort. But sometimes I think the easy road is just perceived as the easy one until we take the other road and see just how easy it was to get out of our comfort zone in the first place :) i am constantly fighting it myself.... I think the think that seem the most uncomfortable will be the most rewarding to overcome because what you want most sometimes you resist the most.
ReplyDeleteThank you for adding another perspective to this post. I knew it was very one-sided while I was writing it but I was in a very particular kind of mood. You are right that sometimes you think you might think that you are leaving comfort but really you just didn't know what else was out there :)
Delete