learning to walk again

Not a phrase I thought would ever apply to me. As far as injuries go, mine isn't that horrendous; MCL partial tear, maybe a bit of meniscus action as well (hard to tell without an MRI). I've been off of crutches for about a week now and started physical therapy yesterday. I scoffed at all of this, of course. It's just a little limp, what could be the big deal? Well apparently knees injuries are one of those things it's best not to try and walk off. Or ignore completely and play several rounds of Twister, or attempt to impress your new friends by jumping off a wall, or wrench sideways while cleaning up after a dog.  Apparently.

Anyhoo, so now I have to learn how to walk again. Predictably, I was an emotional wreck in the doctor's office. The irony of working at a hospital while abhorring the role of patient is not lost on me. It might have been less bothersome had the fishbowl "walls" of the gym not displayed my dilemma to the evening foot traffic or if the student intern could have stifled his yawns a bit better. As it was, my embarrassment was palpable from the quaver in my voice as I answered simple questions about my pain ratings and goals for mobility. It's just a stupid sprain, I'm fine! I wanted to shout confidently and tromp out the door with a determined and (steady) gait. But, oh right, my ungainly lolloping is what had landed me there in the first place. And despite my mounting shame, I was there to work.

Heel first, and then toe, I was shown. She demonstrated and walked with me as we attempted a lap across the room. The gray-haired woman to the side was leg-pressing a mass of iron weights on a fancy machine. I swallowed as many times as I could to keep the tears at bay. Heel toe? What am I, an infant? an invalid? a complete negligent who can't take care of a simple sports injury? I kept my eyes down after that. And shame spiral or not, I just did as I was told. By sheer force of will the moisture from my eyes stayed locked in their wells until the inevitable waterworks of some other event in the near future (I believe it was a daunting flight of stairs?). I did the dumb exercises, I stretched the stupid stretches, I moronically moved my knee cap 15 times in a row two times on each side. And goddamn it if I can't walk just a little bit better today.

So what's my point here? Don't be a dick like me. I always think I know everything. I feel like I can get from a to k without the bcdefghij. I hear heel toe and I go, bitch, please I've been walking since before you were born you don't tell me what to do. And then when the simple, obvious things that I've always neglected to do turn out to be the most effective, I have to wipe that egg off my face and try to act like a normal human again. I know this is good for me. Humble and grateful are the emotional staples of the happy and well-lived. This is an excellent reminder. Thank you universe for bringing me back down a notch. May I grow happier and stronger than I was before I let someone teach me to walk again. So mote it be.